If I Ain’t Got You – Chapter 4

Chapter 4 — Abusing the Challenged

Dec 21, 2002 – Somewhere in the Air on a Jetliner 
“Honey, are you okay?” Marshall Banks asked as he turned to face Jamie.

“I don’t know baby,” Jamie replied as he shook his head.

“Something seems to be bothering you baby. Do you want to talk about it?” Marshall asked as he took Jamie’s hand in his own.

“I—I just never thought I would be seeing the guys again, under these circumstances,” Jamie replied with a sigh. “It seems we only see each other or get together after something bad happens. It seems bad things are the only reasons why we ever make time to see one another.”

“You guys have lives of your own now. You’re all doing your own thing,” Marshall stated as he caressed Jamie’s cheek.

“Yeah, but bad things are the only things that we have that brings us all together,” Jamie said as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“You make it sound like there aren’t any good things that happen to get you guys together baby,” Marshall said as he looked Jamie in the eyes.

“There aren’t any good things. All of them have been bad,” Jamie stated as he sighed again.

“Come on baby, what about our wedding?” Marshall asked.

“Marshall, our wedding day was a total disaster and you know it,” Jamie said as he shook his head. “Remember, after we got married, Christopher got arrested for trying to pick up a prostitute, Josh and Justin were outed and then Joey got put in jail for disturbing the peace and…”

“Okay baby,” Marshal said with a frown. “There must’ve been something good in there somewhere.”

“Nothing but bad stuff baby. Since we parted ways, it seems we only see each other when something goes wrong,” Jamie stated as more tears fell from his eyes.

“Well that means you guys need to do something good and meet up more often,” Marshall said as he pulled Jamie’s hand up to his mouth and kissed the top. “It’s going to be alright baby. I’m sure Justin’s okay.”

“I don’t know about that baby,” Jamie replied as Marshall raised his other hand to get the flight attendant’s attention.

“Do you gentleman need anything?” The young woman asked as she looked at the two men.

“Could you bring me a Cola please?” Marshall requested with a smile. “Baby, do you want something?”

“Could you bring me a Cola too please and something stiff to mix with it?” Jamie asked as the young woman nodded and then walked down the aisle, returning a moment later with the things they requested.

“Here you are gentlemen. If you need anything else, just press the ‘call’ button,” the young woman stated as she pointed at the button with a smile and then turned to leave.

“Thanks,” Marshall said as he turned his attention back to Jamie.

“How much longer will it take?” Jamie asked as he sniffled.

“We’re almost there,” Marshall replied.

“I feel that there’s something drastically wrong. I feel that Justin isn’t alright,” Jamie said as he wiped at his eyes as Marshall leaned close and kissed his mouth. “Thank you baby.”

“You’re welcomed Mr. Banks,” Marshall stated as he draped his arm around Jamie’s neck and then pulled him close.

Orlando, FL – Somewhere in Florida Hospital

“Hey kid, you lost?” A black gentleman asked as Nick walked past where he sat.

“No, I’m not lost,” Nick answered.

“Are you sure of that kid? You look like someone that has lost out on a lot of things in this world,” the man said with a frown.

“I’m find man, I just need to get the hell out of here,” Nick replied as he looked around to see where he was.

“You don’t look fine to me kid. What happened to your hands?” The man asked as he pointed at the bandages on Nick’s wrists.

“That—that’s none of your business,” Nick replied, taking on a defensive tone.

“Hey, no harm, no foul kid. I’m only trying to be nice and help you out,” the man said as he held his hand out to Nick. “I’m Marcus.”

“Sorry Marcus, but I’m trying to get out of here. How do I leave this place?” Nick asked as he looked down at Marcus.

“Why are you trying to leave here? It’s apparent that something’s ailing you. Stick around and get better first,” Marcus spoke with a soft smile.

“Fuck no, I just want to get out of here,” Nick stated as he shook his head.

“Why? This place is one of healing. You seem like you have a lot of healing to do. Come over here kid and sit down,” Marcus said as he patted the seat next to him.

“I don’t need to heal; I just need to get away so I can be by myself,” Nick said as he held his head down as the tears slid down his face.

“No kid, you need to stay here in the hospital. This place will help you, help you out a whole lot,” Marcus said as he grabbed Nick’s hand and held them in his own. “I’m an old guy kid. I spent most of my life running away from what I needed. Don’t you spend your life, running away from life itself. What you need is right here in this very hospital. Trust me kid, what you’re looking for is closer to you than what you think.”

“What I need is to get away from here and be by myself,” Nick stated as he shook his head again.

“Trust me kid. What you’re looking for is right here in this hospital. You just need to sit down and take a look at things in your life” Marcus said with a smile.

“How do you know what it is that I need? How do you know what I need is right here in this hospital?” Nick asked as he looked at the man strangely.

“You’ve been running or a long time kid. It’s time to stop running from things,” Marcus said as he rubbed Nick’s hand. “When the opportunity presents itself, you need to be open-minded and don’t be afraid of what might happen.”

“Nick, is that you?” Nick heard as he turned around to hear a voice he wished he never would hear again.

“Brian?” Nick said as he stood up to see Brian Lang, standing there watching him with a sad expression on his face.

“Oh Nick, are you okay?” Brian asked as he reached out to touch Nick’s face.

“Remember what I said to you kid. When the opportunity presents itself to you, don’t be afraid. Keep an open mind and be true to yourself,” Marcus said to Nick. “Oh and kid, that’s not the opportunity.”

“What?” Nick said as he turned to look at Marcus.

“He’s not the opportunity,” Marcus said as he pointed at Brian.

“Are you okay Nick? Who are you talking to?” Brian asked as he looked at Nick strangely.

“Marcus, he’s just a guy that I met here,” Nick said as he turned around to see that Marcus was no longer there. “That’s odd, he was just right here.”

“Are you okay?” Brian asked as he looked at Nick closely.

“I’m okay now Brian,” Nick replied as he looked into Brian’s eyes. “So, why are you here?”

“I came to see about you, after I heard what happened,” Brian replied with a frown.

“How did you know I was here?” Nick asked as he looked at Brian strangely.

“I got a call from Kevin. He blessed me out because of what you had done to yourself on the plane,” Brian stated as he turned Nick around and kissed his forehead. “Why are you hurting yourself baby?”

“Don’t call me baby,” Nick said as he pulled away from Brian.

“Why not Nick, you’re my baby, well aren’t you?” Brian asked as he looked at Nick strangely.

“No, I’m not your baby Brian. You dumped me for Layna, remember that Brian?” Nick asked as he stepped away from Brian. “Again, why are you even here?”

“I told you Nick, I came here to see about you,” Brian replied as he looked at Nick closely. “You had me worried.”

“You came here all the way from Atlanta, to see about me, because of what Kevin told you?” Nick asked as he shook his head.

“You make it sound like we’re not even friends or anything,” Brian said as he reached out to touch Nick’s arm. “You know I still love you Nick. I’m only with her to keep the public out of my business.”

“Yeah right Brian, you—you let me down. You weren’t around when I needed you to be. You left me alone for two whole months. You promised me that I would never be alone. You broke your promise to me,” Nick stated as he turned and walked away from Brian.

“Nick wait, don’t just walk away from me,” Brian said as he caught up to Nick, grabbing him by the arm, stopping him from walking. “Stop, I said don’t walk away from me.”

“Go away Brian, just leave me alone,” Nick said with a frown. “If you really loved me, you would’ve never left me and married—married her.”

“I told you why I married her,” Brian said as he turned Nick back around to face him. “I don’t love her, I love you.”

“No, you don’t love me Brian. If you loved me, you wouldn’t care what the public thinks about you,” Nick said as he pushed Brian away and then continued walking down the hall again.

“I told you not to walk away from me Nick,” Brian said as he rushed to catch up to Nick again as he grabbed him by the arm forcefully and then pulled him into the nearest room he saw. “Listen Nick…”

“Stop Brian! What’re you doing?” Nick asked as he struggled to get away from Brian.

“Shut the fuck up Nick!” Brian exclaimed through gritted teeth as he placed his hand over Nick’s mouth. “You love me; I know you do, so shut the fuck up with your petty damn whining.”

“Stop it Brian, what’re you doing?” Nick asked as he continued to struggle with Brian.

“I’m going to give you what you want. I know what you need,” Brian said as he pushed Nik down on the bed in the room and then held him down as he ground his hips against Nick’s, simulating sex.

“Stop Brian, I don’t want this,” Nick replied as he thrashed about under Brian.

“Fine then, if you don’t want it, I’ll leave,” Brian said as he moved to the side of the bed, letting Nick get up off the bed.

“Thank you,” Nick said as he moved away from the bed, heading towards the door as he turned his back to Brian.

“On second thought, I think I want some of that ass,” Brian said as he grabbed Nick by the arm quickly, slinging him around the room as he pushed him down on the bed, holding him down face first. “Shut the hell up and take it like I know you can!”

“No Brian, please… Don’t… Stop… I don’t… Please no… I don’t want this,” Nick said, crying out as he struggled more to get away from Brian as he got his zipper down and fished his manhood through the fly of his pants. “No, stop! You’re hurting me Brian!”

“I’m not hurting you. You like it like this,” Brian said as he leaned down to nip at Nick’s neck as he continued forcing himself into Nick’s ass.

“Stop Brian, please stop!” Nick screamed as Brian moved his hand around to cover his mouth.

“I’ll stop when I’m done with you,” Brian said as he continued thrusting into Nick’s body. “It won’t be much longer now, I’m almost there.”

“Brian, if you ever loved me, you’ll stop. You’re hurting me,” Nick pleaded, his voice barely audible. “Please Brian, please stop.”

“Shut up Nick, stop your damn whining and get off like you know you want to,” Brian said as he pulled his dick out of Nick’s ass and then shot his load across the hospital gown that was bunched up on Nick’s back. “Damn, that was a good load. You’re truly the best fuck I’ve ever had. You know I love your ass baby. Layna doesn’t do it like you.”

“Okay Brian,” Nick replied as he lay face down on the hospital bed as he cried while pulling his legs up to his chest, getting into the fetal position.

“What’re you doing?” Brian asked as he rubbed the side of Nick’s face with his hand. “Say something Nick. Stop with that punk ass shit. I didn’t even hurt you and you know it. Hell, we’ve been way rougher than this in the past. This was minor compared to some of the stuff we’ve done.”

“Okay Brian,” Nick replied as he rocked back and forth, still lying on the bed in the fetal position.

An Hour Later – The Hospital’s Cafeteria

“I can’t find him anywhere,” Kevin said as he sat down at the table with Janet and Aaron Canton.

“Well apparently you haven’t looked everywhere, since we still don’t see him,” Aaron sarcastically said as Janet glared at him. “Has he left the hospital.”

“I don’t think he has. He has to be here somewhere. The guards have all the exits blocked. He can’t get out of here without someone knowing about it,” Kevin said as his cell phone rang.

Kevin’s POV

“Hello,” I said into the phone, noticing Laura’s number on the display.

“Have you found him yet?” Laura asked as I looked over at Aaron and Janet.

“No, we haven’t found him yet. We’re sitting here in the cafeteria, waiting for any info the hospital security guards can give us. We haven’t heard back from them yet,” I informed her.

“Well I’m on my way down. It looks like we got here just in time. I’ll see you in a couple,” Laura said as I shook my head.

“That was Laura, she and the guards are on their way down here. She couldn’t find him either,” I said as Janet frowned as Aaron just shook his head.

“What could’ve happened to him? Is he hiding out somewhere in someone’s room?” Janet asked as she looked over at me.

“If that’s the case, he can be anywhere here in this place,” I said, thinking about all the possibilities of where he could be hiding. Hell, he could be somewhere hurt and we wouldn’t even know it because there are so many places here that he could hide.

“Why is he doing this Momma?” Aaron asked as he looked at Janet as I turned around and looked at him strangely, since I’ve never heard him call Janet ‘Momma’ before.

“I don’t know baby, but I do know that he must be hurting very badly,” Janet replied as she looked down. “I just hope he comes back and let us get him some help.”

“The doctor said he needs to speak with a therapist real soon. I don’t think he wants to live anymore,” I said as Janet covered her mouth.

“Why is this happening to my baby?” Janet asked as she sighed.

“He’s been hurt a lot Janet. Every guy that he’s given his heart to has hurt him in return,” I said as the expression on her face changed.

“So, this all centers around Brian?” Janet asked as she looked over at me.

“Yes,” was all I could say to that because I knew it was the truth. Looking across the room, away from her, I spotted Brian at that very moment, walking out of a room. What in the world is he doing here? Getting up, I walked towards the exit and then stopped. “What in the hell is he doing here?”

“Who?” Janet asked as she got up and walked over to where I was as I pushed the door open. “Kevin, where are you going?”

“I’m going to tell him to leave,” I said, walking down the hall towards Brian as Janet sighed.

Janet’s POV

“Aaron honey, why don’t you go get one of those security guys and tell them to come over quickly,” I suggested to Aaron as I walked back out into the hallway to see where Kevin had gone as I spotted him and Brian a bit away as I stopped to listen.

“What are you doing here Brian?” Kevin asked as he stepped in front of Brian.

“I came here to check on Nick,” Brian replied as he looked at Kevin strangely. “Why do you care”

“Nick doesn’t need you checking on him,” Kevin stated as he pointed his finger in Brian’s face. “How did you even know he was here anyway?”

“Alexander called and told me that you guys were here,” Brian replied as Kevin shook his head. “What’s your beef Kevin?”

“You know what my beef is Brian,” Kevin replied as he looked like he was ready to jump on him. “You need to leave here. We don’t want Nicky running into you while he’s here.”

“You don’t want him running into me?” Brian asked as he looked at Kevin strangely.

“Yeah, we don’t want him running into you in his current state of mind. You’ve caused enough problems for him already,” Kevin said as he poked a finger in Brian’s chest, pushing Brian backwards a bit. “Go away Brian, none of us want you here.”

“That’s not true. Nick wants me here,” Brian stated as he pushed Kevin backwards a bit.

“It’s your damn fault that we’re here now,” Kevin said as he covered his eyes. “How would you know what Nick wants anyway?”

“I know Nick, he still wants me,” Brian said, making a move to walk away from Kevin. “If he didn’t want me here, we wouldn’t have just made love.”

“You just what!” Kevin screamed as he grabbed Brian by his shirt and then threw him up against the wall.

Did he say he and Nick just made love? That means he knows where Nick is. Where is Nick?

“What in the hell is your problem?” Brian asked as an orderly and a security guard walked up behind them.

“What’s going on here Mr. Richards?” One of the security guys asked as he walked closer to Kevin and Brian.

“He’s what’s going on here. He just attacked me!” Brian snapped as he tried to get away from Kevin.

“He—he did something to Nick. That’s why we can’t find him!” Kevin snapped as he pointed at Brian. “Where is he Brian? Where in the hell is he? What did you do to him?”

“Where is my baby Brian?” I asked, turning the corner, so everyone could see me.

“I didn’t do anything to him, he’s right in there,” Brian replied as he pointed to the room across the hall.

“Move!” Kevin screamed as he pushed past Brian, walking into the room to see Nick lying on the bed, crying and bleeding from his backside.

“My baby!” I screamed when I saw Nick’s body lying on the bed as I moved out of the room, trying to do my best to erase that image from my mind.

“Oh man,” the security guy said as he walked into the room next to see my baby sprawled out on the bed that way and then I heard what sounded like someone vomiting.

“Oh my God!” Kevin screamed as he scooped Nick into his arms. “What did you fucking do to him Brian?”

“You monster!” I snapped, reaching for Brian as one of the security guys stepped in front of me, blocking me from hitting Brian.

“I just said I didn’t do anything to him,” Brian said as he walked into the room with another security guard. “We made love and that’s all. Like anything we do is any of your damn business anyway!”

“Nicky, Nick can you hear me?” Kevin asked as he held Nick in his arms. “Come on Nick, speak to me, are you okay?”

“It hurts, it hurts,” Nick mumbled out as Laura and Aaron walked into the room as I grabbed Aaron, covering his eyes quickly.

“God, what happened to him?” Laura asked as she moved over to Kevin and Nick.

“I don’t know,” Kevin replied as he hugged Nick to his chest as I did my best to get my breathing under control and to keep Aaron away from what was going on.

“It hurts, it hurts,” Nick mumbled again. “Oh God, it hurts.”

“You fucking monster,” I said, trying not to draw too much more attention to what was going on.

“I didn’t do anything to him,” Brian said as he moved away from where we were. “Keep these crazy people away from me.”

“You raped him!” Kevin screamed out.

“Rape rape rape,” Nick declared as he rocked back and forth in Kevin’s arms.

“I ought to kill you!” Kevin screamed as he lay Nick back down on the bed as he jumped towards Brian.

“What the hell is your problem man?” Brian asked as he jumped behind the other security guard.

“You raped him! I’m going to kill you!” Kevin screamed as two other security guys tried to hold him back.

“I didn’t rape him, he was into it, just like I was,” Brian said as he glared at Kevin.

“He’s bleeding Brian! He’s hardly speaking!” Kevin screamed as he struggled with the guards to get free so he could get to Brian. “Let me go damn it!”

“Oh God, my baby,” I said as I let go of Aaron and moved over to Nick, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling him into my arms.

“No!” Nick screamed out. “Get away from me! Get away from me! Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!”

“Nick baby, it’s me, it’s me your mother,” I said, trying to hug him again.

“Stay away from me! Don’t touch me! Keep away!” He screamed out as he jumped back on the bed and then fell backwards off the other side, hitting the floor.

“Get a doctor in here for him! You need to call the police and have him arrested!” Kevin screamed out.

“How could you have done this to him Brian?” Laura asked as she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and then smacked him across the face as he struggled to get away from her.

“I didn’t do anything to him that he didn’t want,” Brian said as two police officers walked into the room.

“Are you Brian Lang?” The police officer asked as he walked over to Brian.

“That’s him officer,” Kevin said as the security guards let him go.

“Brian Lang, you’re hereby under arrest. You have the right to remain silent…” the police officer continued, reading Brian his Miranda Rights as another police officer walked in and placed some handcuffs on him.

“I’m innocent, I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t rape him or anybody, he wanted it,” Brian stated as the police officers escorted him out of the room. “I’ll get out. The truth will be revealed!”

Dec 22, 2002 – The Intensive Care Unit – Justin’s Room

“Hello Sunshine, how do you feel today?” Christina asked as she walked into the room with a cup of coffee and a bag of donuts in hand.

“Hey Chrissy,” Justin replied as he moved his head to look at Christina. “I feel okay, but my arms and legs feel like—like mush. What actually happened to me?”

“You were in a car accident and you collided with another car,” Christina stated as she looked down, not wanting to say more than that.

“Damn, I guess dancing is out for a while,” Justin said as his mother, Donnie and some security guys walked into the room.

“Hello baby, how are you feeling?” Lynn Hart asked as she walked over to the bed and then sat down in the chair next to the bed.

“I feel like much Ma. What’re you doing here?” Justin asked as he maneuvered his head to look at her. “This isn’t that bad, I’m sure I’ll get to go home in a few days.”

“A few days…” Lynn said as she looked at Justin as Christina and Donnie shook their heads at her. “That’s right, a few days baby.”

“That’s all, a few days and I’ll be as good as new,” Justin said as he tried to sit up in bed as he winced, closed his eyes and then screamed out. “Ooooh crap! What the hell!”

“Don’t try to sit up baby, just stay put,” Lynn suggested.

“I want to get up and walk around some. I don’t want to be lying in bed all the time. I want to get up and move around,” Justin said as he tried to get up again as the pain hit him hard again, knocking the wind out of him as he stopped moving and screamed out again. “Ooooooow! Why… Why can’t I get up?”

“Baby, right now… Well… Ah… You can’t get up,” Lynn replied as the tears slowly fell from her eyes.

“What do you mean I can’t?” Justin asked, his expression changing to an angry one.

“Baby…” Lynn said as Christina and the others turned to leave the room.

“Wait, where are you guys going?” Justin asked as he shook his head as the sweat broke out on his brow.

“We’re going to stop outside for a while,” Christina said as some tears fell from her eyes.

“What’s going on around here?” Justin asked as the door closed and it was just him and Lynn left in the room. “Momma, what’s going on?”

“Baby, you can’t walk right now,” Lynn stated as she held onto his hand.

“What? What do you mean I can’t walk right now?” Justin asked as he turned his head and looked at Lynn as close as he could.

“You can’t walk right now,” Lynn said again, not really wanting to say what needed to be said.

“What! No!” Justin screamed out as he feared what his mother was about to tell him. “What do you mean I can’t walk?”

“Calm down baby, please,” Lynn said as the tears fell from her eyes. “The accident… Well the accident caused… Oh God… The accident caused a lot of damage to the nerves down your spine…”

“What! I’m paralyzed? No!” Justin screamed as the tears streamed down his face as Lynn got u and hugged him to her chest. “I can’t walk! I can’t walk!”

“Baby please,” Lynn said as she tried to calm him down as she rubbed his back.

“No Momma, no!” Justin screamed again. “How… How do you… How do you expect me to act here? I can’t walk! I can’t walk for Christ’s sake! Why me? What’s wrong with my legs? They—they look fine damn it!”

“Baby listen,” Lynn said with a sigh. “Your legs are fine; it’s the damage to the nerves along the spine that’s causing you not to walk.”

“Nerve damage! Nerve damage!” Justin screamed out. “This—this isn’t fair!”

“No baby, things in life are never fair, but you’ll get through this,” Lynn said as she rubbed his back. “The doctors don’t believe this to be a permanent condition; you just need some time to heal.”

“I don’t need time to heal! I just want… I want to die!” Justin screamed out as he pulled away from Lynn and then turned away from her as he cried. “Just leave me alone Momma.”

“No Justin, I’ll never leave you alone,” Lynn replied as she wiped at her own eyes. “I’m not going to leave you here like this, especially while you’re talking like that.”

“Please Momma, please just go,” Justin said as he sniffled and closed his eyes. “I just want to go back to sleep now.”

“You go to sleep, but I’m not going to leave you,” Lynn said as she rubbed his back as she moved back into the chair.

A Few Hours Later

“Hello Mr. Tanner, I’m Dr. Henry Warrenton, how are you feeling?” The man asked as he walked over to Justin’s bed.

“How do you think I feel? Fuck off man! Just go on and leave me the hell alone!” Justin snapped as he turned away from the man.

“Mr. Tanner, I’m not leaving here, I have to examine you,” Dr. Warrenton stated.

“I said leave me alone man!” Justin snapped again, not even looking up at the man. “There’s no reason for you to examine me. I’m nothing but a useless cripple now.”

“Stop that Justin,” Lynn said as she walked into the room and over to the bed. “You’re not a cripple. That’s not a polite word.”

“So what do you call a person like me, that can’t walk anymore?” Justin asked as he looked up at Lynn. “You call them a fucking cripple!”

“I said stop that Justin,” Lynn demanded as she looked at Justin sternly.

“Is now not a good time?” A guy in a wheelchair asked, entering the room.

“I don’ think it is JT, maybe we should try again tomorrow,” Dr. Warrenton stated with a frown.

“Well, I think I’ll introduce myself anyway, while I’m here and all,” the man said as he rolled around to where Lynn was and extended his hand. “Hi there, I’m JT Poole. I’m one of the rehabilitation therapist here in the hospital.”

“Hi, I’m Lynn Hart, I’m Justin’s mother,” Lynn replied as she shook JT’s hand.

“So, I’m guessing that’s Mr. Tanner over there,” JT said as he pointed at the person lying on the bed with their back turned to everyone.

“Yes, that’s Justin, my stubborn son,” Lynn replied as she sighed. “Justin, will you please talk with these gentlemen?”

“Just go away,” Justin said as he sniffled. “I don’t want to be bothered right now.”

“I guess we’ll try again tomorrow,” Dr. Warrenton said as he walked towards the door as Lynn and JT followed.

To Be Continued…