Chapter 1 — The Fear of Love
Jan 1, 2015 — Albany, NY — The Chastayne Family Estate — The Backyard
“Well, it’s about damn time that you showed up,” Hillary Chastayne, the eldest female of the Clastayne children spoke as she walked over and hugged one of the two men that had entered the yard. “So bro, what did you bring me back from Paris? I know you went shopping, so you might as well give it up already.”
“Of course we went shopping, but we didn’t bring you anything back with us,” one of the men replied as the other man looked down and then snickered at the shocked expression on the woman’s face.
“Come on, you’re joking, right bro?” Hillary said as she cut her eyes at the man. “I can’t believe you didn’t bring me anything back with you JT. You—you always bring me something back when you go out of the country. I… Damn, I’m speechless here.”
“Yeah right, like that’ll last very long,” JT, currently the eldest male of the Chastayne children stated as he laughed and then shook his head. “You can’t keep quiet for longer than a minute girl, so don’t even try it.”
“Fuck you JT,” Hillary spoke as she crossed her arms across her chest. “So, you didn’t bring me a single thing? Not one simple, little gift? You didn’t bring me anything at all? What about you Alex? Did you bring me anything?”
“No, he didn’t bring you anything either,” JT replied as he shook his head. “We’re not your personal shoppers Ms. Thang. We didn’t bring you anything at all, so stop asking.”
“Believe it girl,” the other man identified as Alex spoke as he turned around and then chuckled as Hillary glared in his direction and then displayed the middle finger. “My husband can’t be wasting time, trolling through stores, looking for gifts for you; he’s supposed to do that for me only.”
“Fine then, be that way jerk,” Hillary said as she turned her back to the two men. “You’re useless to me anyways.”
“Oh whatever Hill; you’ll get over it eventually,” JT said as he walked up behind Hillary. “Besides, I didn’t buy you anything, but you’ll be getting something real soon.”
“What? Really? What is it?” Hillary asked as she threw her arms around JT’s neck, hugging him.
“I’m not going to tell you, but I suggest you go here later on tonight and you’ll find out,” JT suggested as he handed Hillary a business card with someone’s name scribbled on it as Alex sighed and then shook his head. “Please be there before nine or you might not get anything at all.”
“Why do I get the feeling that this is some kind of set up?” Hillary asked as she looked at JT strangely.
“In a way, it is a set up girl. Just be there on time or else,” JT said as he looked over the rim of his glasses at her. “Do as you’re told and you might find something very interesting.”
“Hmmm, the way you’re talking, it better be worth my time bro,” Hillary stated as she looked at JT. “It better be worth a whole lot. Worth a whole lot, if you know what I mean.”
“Damn girl, just take it and go on,” Alex said as he sighed and then shook his head. “You already know what it’s for, stop acting like…”
“Behave Alex,” JT said as Alex turned around and then walked towards the gate. “Alex? Alex wait!”
“Let his ass go JT,” Hillary said as she walked over to the outdoor bar, picked up the bottle of wine that sat there and then poured herself a drink. “You know Mommy and Daddy don’t really like him. Let him go on about his business.”
“Hush up girl, you know I love him, he’s part of my family,” JT said as he looked down.
“Can you really call what you two do, love JT?” Hillary asked, looking JT in the face as she took a sip of her drink. “You know people don’t consider what you two have as a real family.”
“It’s love, just like anybody else in love,” JT said as he glared at his sister, looking as if he wanted to smack her. “I’m not going to have this argument with you again.”
“You might want to have that argument with Daddy,” Hillary said as she shook her head, pointed her finger at him and then took a sip of her drink. “He’s waiting for you in hi study upstairs.”
“He’s what? Why didn’t you tell me that little tidbit earlier when we got here?” JT asked as he shook his head. “I’m really not in the mood for hearing one of his damn lectures about being on time and how important it is to be punctual. He just loves pointing out when people make him wait.”
“Well, you might as well settle on in for the long haul bro, you just might hear one,” Hillary stated as JT sighed and then walked away as he headed into the house. “It serves his ass right for not bringing me an actual present back from Paris. I bet he bought that faggot everything he wanted. I hope Daddy kicks his ass.”
A Few Minutes Later — Inside the House — The Upstairs Study
“Come on in here boy,” James Chastayne, the patriarch of the Chastayne family spoke as he stood up behind his desk. “I expected you here a few hours ago.”
“I’m sorry Dad, I wasn’t aware that you were here, waiting for me,” JT stated as he walked into the room as he closed the door behind him. “So Dad, what’s on your mind?”
“Sit down boy,” James suggested as he pointed to the chair in front of his desk as he took a seat in his own.
“Ah, I think I’d rather stand,” JT replied as James looked up at him and then motioned at the chair again. “Dad…”
“Sit your ass down boy!” James harshly demanded as JT shook his head and then sat down. “I’m in no mood for your diva-styled antics right now, so zip it up boy.”
“Dad…” JT said as he stood back up from the chair as James stood up also.
“Shut up boy!” James snapped as he pointed his finger at JT. “Sit your ass down and you better not move an inch. Because you think you’re a damn man, doesn’t mean I can’t knock the hell outta you!”
“Fine,” JT said as he sat back down. “What’s the problem now Dad?”
“The problem is you, as always,” James replied as he looked at JT closely.
“Excuse me!” JT snapped as James’ eyes widened a bit.
“You and that white man—the white man that you’re with is the big problem I have to deal with,” James stated as he looked over at JT. “Before I go any further, I would like to know why in the hell you were seen in Australia, acting as if you don’t have any damn responsibilities here… What kind of hold does that damn white man have on you son?”
“Love,” JT replied as he shook his head and then looked down. “We love each other Dad. If that’s what you call a hold, then yeah, we have that hold over each other.”
“That’s not natural boy,” James stated as he looked at JT. “If your grandfather was here to see you, he would be ashamed of you.”
“He’s not here, so oh well,” JT said as James got up from his chair and made a move to hit him, but stopped himself and then turned around, breathing deeply as he moved back over to his chair and then sat down as he crossed his leg over the other one.
“One of these days… One of these days you’re going to sass me and I’m not going to have the self-control I have right now, to remain as calm as I am,” James stated as he looked down, picked up a handkerchief from his desk and then wiped at his forehead. “You’re going to cross me wrong one of these days and there won’t be any more you.”
“So Dad, what are you trying to say?” JT asked as he leaned closer to the desk with his face in his hand with his elbow on the desk.
“Boy…” James said as JT held up his hand.
“Dad, are you saying that if I don’t conform to the way you want me to be, you’ll kill me? Is that it Dad?” JT asked as he jumped up from the chair, knocking it over. “So, what is it Dad? You want me to act more like Hillary? Do you want me out there, sleeping with anything that moves, using people for their money? Oh wait, or do you want me to be more like Derrick? Do you want me acting like a thug in the street, trying to kill people and getting money out of them in fear? Do you want me like him?”
“I ought to…” James said as JT shook his head.
“But as you know, he’s no longer with us. So Dad how is it that you want me to be?” JT asked, both of his hands on the desk as he looked at James closely.
“How dare you! How dare you talk ill of the dead like that! Don’t you have any kind of respect for your brother?” James asked as he got up from the chair, getting in JT’s face. “Your—your brother was a fine young man that knew how to act like a man, of which you know nothing about. He knew how to get things done, the way you should, but you don’t!”
“I get it. You want me out there in the streets, running hoes and slinging dope, is that it Dad?” JT asked as he moved away from the desk and then walked towards the door. “Sorry Dad, but I want to live a little bit longer and going to jail isn’t an option for me or my kids.”
“Hold the fuck up boy! Where do you think you’re going? I’m not done with you!” James snapped.
“I think I’ve heard enough for one day,” JT said as he opened the door. “When you want to have a civil conversation with me, let me know, that’s when I’ll return here.”
“If you walk out that door boy, you’ll be sorry,” James said as he slammed his hand down on the desk.
“I guess I’ll be sorry then. My husband and our children are waiting for me,” JT stated as he walked through the door, closing it shut behind him.
Half An Hour Later — A Car on a Deserted Highway
“So, are you going to tell me why you’re being so quiet right now?” Alex Donovan, JT’s lover and husband asked as he placed a hand over JT’s knee. “You haven’t spoke a word since we left your family’s estate.”
“Fine, a word,” JT replied as he looked down.
Damn, whatever happened between him and his Dad must’ve been a real big deal. For him to be acting like this right now, it must’ve been monumental. I wonder what happened between them. When it comes to JT’s family, anything is possible.
“That’s real funny handsome, but that’s not what I meant,” I said as I slowed the car down, pulled over to the side of the highway and then turned the engine off.
“Why did you stop Alex?” He asked as he turned and looked at me. “If you don’t get back on the road, we’re going to be late getting to where we need to be. We don’t need to keep our boys waiting.”
“I’m sure Caleb and Mason will be fine until we get to them,” I said as he sighed. “What did Sir James say to you?”
“It doesn’t really matter Alex,” he replied and then sighed again. “Just get back on the road before it gets too late.”
“Come on babe, I would like to know what’s going on with you,” I said as I lifted his chin and then kissed his lips.
“As always, Dad isn’t happy that I’m with you and says that it’s not natural that we’re together,” he said with a frown as I kind of figured that conversation would rear its ugly head again between him and his father. His dad is always spewing homophobic crap at him about the two of us being together. One of these days, he’ll learn his lesson and keep his mouth shut. “He asked why in the hell was I in Australia.”
“Well did you tell him that you were there with me?” I asked.
“No, I didn’t have to tell him that, he already knew,” he replied as I wondered how he would know that. “I guess he wanted to talk about that, but I left before I told him anything about why we were there.”
“Why?” I asked, wondering what could’ve happened that would make him leave his father abruptly.
“He actually had the damn gall to threaten to kill me,” he replied, my eyes widening with fear upon hearing that. “He didn’t actually say he would kill me, but he alluded to it. He said that there would be no more me if I continued sassing him. He acts like I’m some kind of mindless slave or something. I’m a grown ass man; I can say and do whatever the hell I want!”
“When it comes to your Dad, maybe you should just be quiet and not say anything to make him angrier than he normally is,” I said, wondering what else was said to him while he was with his father. “I don’t want to lose you baby…”
“You’re not going to lose me handsome,” he said as I shook my head.
“Come on baby, please don’t piss that crazy ass man off,” I said as he looked at me closely. “Don’t do anything that would cause him to do something stupid. So please baby, don’t piss him off.”
“Just living my life the way I do, pisses him off Alex,” he replied as he looked up at me as I saw a few tears in his eyes. “He’ll never be happy with me, ever!”
“Are—are you happy with you baby?” I asked, wondering if my husband really loved himself or not. “Are you okay being a gay man?”
“You already know I’m happy being a gay man. If I wasn’t happy being gay, do you think I would’ve married you?” He asked, looking at me with a weak smile on his face. “I’m just sad that I have a fucked up family that does what it can to cause unneeded stress, drama and problems for me, for us.”
“Well I’m not worried about that baby and you shouldn’t either,” I told him. “There’s nothing your father, family or his friends can ever do to run me off.”
“Yeah right, just give it some time Alex,” he said with a frown. “I know my family and I know what they’re capable of.”
“What I already know of your family is enough to turn me off of the rest of the Chastayne family, but I’ll always love you, no matter what,” I told him, leaning in and kissing his mouth.
“You say that now,” he said as his cell phone rang. “I’m not in the mood for talking to anyone, so I’m just going to let that go to voicemail.”
“Baby, don’t let your family get you down,” I said, rubbing his neck as I leaned closer and kissed his forehead. “I don’t need you getting down and depressed because of the actions of the high and mighty Chastayne family.”
“Regardless of what you say, I’m part of that family and I always will be. There’s no changing that Mr. Donovan,” he said with a sigh as he shook his head. “Let’s just go before it gets too late. The boys are waiting for us.”
“Okay baby,” I said, starting the engine and pulling back onto the highway so we could go pick up our kids.
A Few Miles Away — Another Highway
“Hey baby, how are things going with you?” I asked my boyfriend, caressing his cheek as I leaned in close to kiss his lips as he sighed and then pushed me backwards away from him. “Baby?”
“So, why are we here Dylan? Why in the hell are you meeting me here, on this abandoned damn highway and not at that big fancy house that you live in on the hill?” He asked. “Why are we parked out here, miles from town, on this damn highway of all places?”
“This—this was the safest place for us to meet,” I replied as he sighed again, shook his head and then turned his back to me, looking out the window.
“I—I’m tired of this shit Dylan, really I am,” he said as he crossed his arms across his chest and then made a move to open the car door as I grabbed his hand, stopping him. “Why are you stopping me Dylan? I don’t want to be here, not like this!”
“I—I’m sorry baby, but…” I said as he interrupted me.
“Why—why can’t we be open like everyone else? Isn’t your brother John open with his lover?” He asked.
“John is open, but everyone in the family hates him,” I said with a frown. “I don’t want to be on the receiving end of that kind of hatred from them. Hell, they already don’t like me as it is because I’m white.”
“I don’t believe that Dylan,” he said as he turned around in the seat, looking at me.
“Believe it Alan,” I said as he shook his head and then looked down. “They—they treat me totally different than everyone else in the family.”
“How do they treat you differently?” He asked.
“They don’t really share anything with me,” I replied as I looked down at my hands. “I really don’t know what the Chastayne family business really is; I just know that it’s real hush-hush.”
“Oh please,” he said as he shook his head again. “That’s not a secret Dylan and you know it.”
“Oh here we go,” I said as he looked at me and then turned back around in the seat.
“Oh here we go what Dylan? It’s not like you don’t know that your Dad dabbles in criminal activities. Hell, you know that he owns those night clubs on the east side of town and you know he’s running drugs and whores through each and every one of them. I hope you don’t think that law office downtown is the real deal with the Chastayne family,” he said as I shook my head.
“I don’t know Alan, that’s what I’m talking about. If that’s what’s really going on, then I don’t really know, mainly because no one in the family will actually say anything to me. I’m the outsider in the Chastayne family. I’m not really one of them, so they treat me differently,” I told him as he sighed and then shook his head.
“You can’t be that naïve Dylan,” he said, placing a hand on my leg.
“You call it being naïve; I call it being in the dark about what everyone else knows that I don’t. It’s always been like that Alan,” I said as he just looked at me.
“Fine Dylan, if you didn’t know, I just told you,” he said as placed a finger under my chin and lifted my face so I could see his eyes. “If you don’t believe me, maybe it’s time you go find out for yourself.”
“Meaning what baby?” I asked as he sighed and then shook his head.
“If you want to find out what it is that your family does, maybe it’s time you go find out on your own,” He said as he grabbed my hand, rubbing the top of my fingers. “You know, be a little bit nosey and proactive on your own. Better yet, I’m sure your brother John will help you out with that. From what I hear around, he’s not too keen on what your Dad does either. Why not talk to him?”
“Me and John… We… We don’t get along very well,” I said, wondering why we didn’t get along. I don’t’ remember ever doing anything bad or wrong to him, so why doesn’t he like me?
“I don’t believe that Dylan,” he said as he sighed again. “Just talk to him and see what he’ll tell you.”
“Why don’t we just change the subject baby? I would rather talk about us, not what the Chastayne family does, while my back is turned,” I said as he shook his head again and then sighed.
“There’s really nothing to talk about, pertaining to us that is,” he said as he looked at me. “Every time we see each other, we’re either in the car on a deserted damn highway like tonight, meeting up at a hotel in the next town over or you pop up at my place late at night where no one could see. Besides that, there’s really nothing new. Nothing ever changes with…”
“I—I hope to change that one day Alan, I really do,” I said, leaning in and kissing his lips. “I want to be able to be with you in the open, but—but as I said, I’m not ready for that kind of hatred.”
“If you love me, like you claim you love me, then isn’t that kind of so-called hatred worth it?” He asked.
“I—I, Alan…” I said as he shook his head again, unsnapped the seatbelt and then opened the door. “Alan, wait baby…”
“No Dylan, no! It seems I’m not worthy of having your love!” He snapped as he got out of the car and then slammed the door shut, causing the window to shatter and break. “I’ve had enough of this madness Dylan Chastayne! I’m tired of waiting around for you to see the damn light!”
“Alan, please…” I said as I got out of the car and followed behind him as he walked down the highway.
“Leave me the hell alone Dylan!” He snapped, shooting me the bird as he kept walking down the highway as a car passed the two of us. Oh great, someone has seen us. “Go on back to your rich family and forget that you ever knew me!”
“I—I can’t forget that I ever knew you, I love you Alan Quatermane,” I said, hoping that would snap him back to reality.
“That’s a bit lie Dylan! You don’t know what love is!” He snapped as he turned to me as I noticed he was crying. “I—I can’t keep doing this to myself. I—I want someone in my life that wants to be with me, that can be with me, without hiding and that’s not you and it never will be!”
“That—that can be me Alan, just please—please give me a chance here and let me do things my way,” I said as he shook his head.
“No Dylan, I’ve given you chance after chance and yet, here we fucking are!” He yelled as he turned back around as I grabbed his hand and then pulled him to me, kissing his lips quickly as he melted into my arms, flowing into the kiss. “Dylan, I—I don’t want to hide my love for you.”
“I don’t want to hide either,” I said as he sighed and then turned his gaze away from mine.
“Then don’t” was all he said as he pulled away from me.
A Few Miles Down the Road
What in the hell is wrong with this damn picture here? Are my eyes deceiving me here? It seems my little brother Dylan has a secret of his own. Why in the hell is he carrying on with that guy, in the middle of the damn highway like that? Why in the hell didn’t he take that shit to a private place, like a hotel or someplace? From what I can see and what I heard, the two of them are having an argument. I wonder what has the both of them on edge so much.
I wonder if he’s told anyone about his secret. I’m sure Daddy doesn’t know, being that he hasn’t made any off the wall comments about him and he’s still alive. Hell, he must be good at what he does, I didn’t even know and I’m good at figuring out fags when they are around me. Being that there hasn’t been any fighting at the estate, I’m sure he hasn’t told anyone about this new development in his life. Seems little brother is like big brother. When Daddy finds this shit out, he’s going to go through the fucking roof. Then again, being that Dylan isn’t really his son, maybe he won’t.
Oh sweet little Dylan, what am I going to do with you? Wait, this could work to my advantage, if I play my cards right. Being that Daddy sees gay men as being unnatural and nasty, I’m sure I can get Dylan to do my bidding, just to keep his secret from Daddy. I wonder just what I can get him to do for me?
Late Evening — The Chastayne-Donovan Home — The Kitchen
“So, with all that you’ve told me tonight, about what happened between you and your Dad, are you going to work in the morning?” Alex asked as he walked over to the stove and looked JT in the face. “Are you going to be around him, where he could possibly do something to hurt you baby?”
“Yes, I’m going to work in the morning baby,” JT replied as he turned his gaze away from Alex. “There isn’t a week that goes by that my Dad or somebody in the Chastayne family…”
“I know you might be used to them threatening you, but this threat came from the big man, your dad of all people,” Alex said as he shook his head.
“Come on baby, I’m totally used to that sort of thing. I’m sure the threats he made are just that, threats and nothing more than that,” JT stated as Alex sighed.
“I’m not ready to take the chance that this will be the time that he carries out his threats against you,” Alex said as he wrapped his arms around JT’s waist. “Caleb, Mason and I need you, we can’t lose you now.”
“You and the boys aren’t going to lose me,” JT stated as he put down the knife and then turned to Alex. “I wish you’d stop worrying about things that aren’t going to happen.”
“It’s hard not to worry when there are crazy people in the world that make threats against my husband’s life on a regular basis. You might not worry about it baby, but I do. Because you don’t worry about those crazy family members threatening you, I worry about them following through on their words and killing you, because they can,” Alex said as he turned away from JT as JT grabbed his hand, puling him close and turning him around as he noticed the tears in his eyes. “I love you baby, but your family scares me. You may not take them seriously, but I do baby.”
“I know you do baby. They used to scare me too, but I don’t worry about them anymore,” JT said as he laid his head on Alex’s shoulder. “Besides, I have a strong husband to protect me.”
“Oh, now I’m your strong husband,” Alex said with a smile. “Last night you said I was weak when we were watching those scary movies.”
“Ha, you were a wimp last night baby,” JT said with a smile. “You were acting like Freddy and Jason were actually coming to get you. They would have to go through me first to get to you. I’m the only one that plagues your dreams handsome, you got that?”
“Ha ha ha, real funny baby,” Alex said as JT laughed.
“Yeah, I thought it was. It’s getting late, are the boys tucked in and asleep?” JT asked as he rubbed Alex’s tummy.
“Yes, our little bundles of energy are tucked in and asleep,” Alex replied as he turned his head slightly and kissed JT’s lips. “Why don’t we hurry this along and get up to bed as well?”
“Hmmm, it sounds like someone is feeling a bit frisky,” JT stated as he turned back to finish what he was doing. “When I’m done preparing things for tomorrow’s outing for Caleb’s class, I’ll be right up. Why don’t you go ahead and get the bed warm for us and…”
“Are you sure baby?” Alex asked.
“Yeah baby, I’m sure,” JT replied as he started on something else. “I have one more batch to do and I’ll be done. I shouldn’t have told Mrs. Garvey I’d help with their class outings if I’d known she would have me doing this sort of stuff.”
“I tried to warn you baby,” Alex said as he laughed, kissing JT’s cheek as he waved and then walked up the back stairs.
“Yeah yeah whatever, just go warm up that bed,” JT said as he continued what he was doing.
To Be Continued…